I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
