Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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