I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm both gender and math confused
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
