He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am puke
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
there's paper in my vomit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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