it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wear drunk well.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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