I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize