I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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