Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
