well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
