All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
