And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
