ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
