I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
