its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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