I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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