i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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