you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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