His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
