; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
