Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
