I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
