Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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