your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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