I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
only if we run a train.
done.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
