Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
