If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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