Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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