That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
