I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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