Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize