I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
