how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
