There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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