Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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