What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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