he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
