dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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