When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
