she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
