Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
