Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
