When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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