He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
