Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
