i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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