I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
