My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
