I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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