Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
