She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
