omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
