he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
