My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
