And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
