You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
