yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
