Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
3 2 1 whiskey
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
