evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
