you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
