the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
