she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
