Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
